from how to heal a broken heart in 30 days
You are finally learning to define yourself as just who you are, not as mate who is tied to another. when you can take joy in that fact, your future opportunists will of course become greater. As you heal and begin to look around once again, here's a checklist to help afford you some guidance. give all of these ideas time to take hold:
1. how do you feel? people can read a lack of self-confidence in your eyes. here's cruel fact: it's a turnoff. don't amble among strangers until you're easily able to step out with a smile and keep your head held high. if you project a sense of vulnerability, you may attract a rescuer. that someone may give you emotional support in exchange for your love. but beware, basing your dealings on this kind of dependency may stunt your emotional evolution.
2. how do you look? do you look your best? have you let yourself go? do you need to get back in shape or restyle your hair?
3. where do you look? how do you meet people? what kind of places make you feel comfortable about talking to strangers? do you have a list of places you can go with friends? do you use a dating services?
4. how are your social skills? were you once a good flirt? are you still? can you laugh easily and make other people laugh with you? do you see yourself as someone who you'd want to spend time with? or are you showing even the least little bit of desperation?
5. practice making new friends and acquaintances every day of the week. the best loves are often born of genuine friendships.
6.when you want to develop any relationships in depth, seek to meet your own emotional need first rather than satisfying the expressed expectation of others.
7. don't be a 'pleasure pig' stay away from high speed fantasy flings. don't simply seek the visceral thrill of making a conquest. if you keep falling and flailing your way into and out of what you may somehow call love, you'll end up running in circles rather than growing. recognize where your true satisfaction comes from and work patiently towards that end.
8. before you even consider falling in love with anyone again at some time in the future, get a sense of where they may take you. seek out their hearts and the beauty within them before you seek to do anything else.
9. look for love in a lot of new places and ways. perhaps the reason you've got a track record for hunting is that you've made the same mistakes with each new relationship. and just because someone responds to your overtures doesn't mean that they will be suitable for you. romance may be magic but its spells are by no means easy to master.
10. don't make any new lover pay for your old traumas. don't look for new love to cure your old ills. that's your job, not theirs.
11. learn how to cut your losses more quickly. keep your emotional bags packed and parked by the door, until you're absolutely sure this one's for you. if you do not have a good feeling about someone, move on quickly but as graciously as possible. otherwise, you'll pay the price of dealing with more pain.
12. don't show off the scars from you past relationships. new prospects may only conclude you're a professional victims and head for the hills.
13. take stock of who you are privately, when you're relaxed with your guard down. that's the real you, the person you should project when you are ready to openly pursue a compatible mate.
14. give people a chance, but don't ignore your instincts. be a good interior detective, especially regarding your own needs. acknowledge it early if there are ultimately going to be irreconcilable difference. even if the love seems strong at the time, these unresolved issues will eventually undermine that foundation.
go ahead. mix with the world. even if you're far from ready to fall back in love, just find new interactions that you genuinely enjoy.
take small, safe steps of a child if you must, in order to get yourself back out there again. meet new people by mixing in familiar groups and in casual circumstances at first. the small positive social steps you take can pay off in friendships almost immediately. you may someday choose to take romantic chances again, but only after getting your feet back on the ground. that's when you'll be able to make wiser choices.
the form your future happiness takes is completely up to you. you are the artist that will colour the rest of your life. give yourself the freedom you need to find your own beauty.
-- love, loss, injury and recovery are some of the most powerful teaching tools given to us by life's designers. embrace their cycle: renew your own meanings. now's the time to relieve your heart of the weight of your loss so you may once again rise to the healing powers of love. it surrounds you always.
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