sorry! my heart is closed for the time being

inspiration: working it out vs tossing it out

It has been more than 8 months since my last relationship.

After sending my closure mail to him expressing my disappointment and gratitude, I made sure I only focus on myself and myself only. I was nurturing my wound in the way I know how, shutting all contacts from him. I was slowing piecing my life together. It is not much of a struggle anymore however, his recent missed call did set me back a few steps in my attempt to evolve and untangle life.

There are guys that expressed interests after the knowledge of my breakup. I have always believed that time alone after an intense relationship is much required. It is almost the foundation to the next potential one. I do not want to explore ahead; all I wanted to do is time for myself, figuring what I want, who I want and how I want to move forward.

In the midst of moving forward, I have encountered this:

Out of blue, one of my old colleagues confessed on msn that he had a soft spot for me and I remained one of his beautiful possibilities. As flattering as it is, I did not interrupt him because I thought he was just going through a stage and wanting to unburden so he is able to move forward, much like what I am doing. (never assume people, never assume)

we hardly talk if we do, it’s mostly professional/work stuff since he had been a great reference. Much to my surprise, it did not just end there. We met up for tea to catch up and it is probably the third time in 4 years since we saw each other. In my mind, I thought it is only the professional thing to do because I am going after a job that requires references. During tea, he interrupted the flow of our conversation and asked how I feel about what his confession.

My reply was: nothing!

I could sense his shock so I went on to explain that I assumed he just wanted to let it out without any expectation. He was surprised that I said I felt nothing since he thought there was definitely some chemistry and how he is almost never wrong about this. (well) He even went on to describe some proof and his perception of how things were. I explained to him that I have no desire in participating in this. I can not and I will not:

He is a person that I trusted professionally. I felt betrayed. Unbeknownst to me, he has a different story built up in his head, choosing to believe that I was reciprocating. I was not serving him any extra attention or giving him the wrong impression. We never spent anytime outside of work when I was at that company. I was particularly unimpressed by one of his comments: ‘I would like to have someone who is passionate, curious, and ambitious about life and I see that all in you. I know after what you told me I should feel sh*tty but I do not. I still feel hopeful because whoever I want, it would always work out’ (WOW! good for him for being so confident but really?!)

He is involved with someone else. Seriously! I really do not have respect for people that are looking and exploring ahead while providing someone else with a false sense of security. I was enraged when I expressed my view on his behaviour. It is cowardly. I do not buy his reasoning nor do I understand his action. I know I should not judge because he is much closer to the matter than I am. All I can do is to exit gracefully from his pathetic attempt to include me in this drama.

I am upset with how vulnerable people are and how fragile a relationship is. Nothing lasts.

I guess the worst would be where he is trapped himself in: the forever limbo.

Blessed!

For the past week, I have made great strides in turns of job hunt front. Even though I do not have final good news to share yet, I have got a great feelings about this potential new opportunity. A recruiter sought me out and after speaking to her, it led to HR recruiter interview then a face to face with the hiring manager. I have my fingers, toes and even my eyes crossed for this. It moved rather quickly and I LOVE that because all job seekers can all agree that waiting is the toughest part.

I feel blessed! I have my great friends and family cheering me on. I am reassured when I am second guessing. I am encouraged when I am agonizing over ..well life itself but I know the only way to go is up :)

also, I am inspired by this: Simple Living

really, keep it simple

My Rejection Letter Trumps Yours

I thought all my fellow jobseekers out there would enjoy this humorous example of a rejection letter that I stumbled across .......

A DIFFERENT KIND OF “EMPLOYMENT REJECTION” LETTER (Something To Lighten Up Your Job Search!!!)

999 Likely Lane LUCKSVILLE WA 6060

20 October 2009

Professor Reid Iculus Department of Opportunity University of Absolute Nonsense 123 Jobsearch Junction PERTH WA 6000

RE: Assistant Professor

Dear Professor Iculus

Thank you for your letter dated 12 October 2009.

After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year, I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite the University Of Nonsense’s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department in November.

I look forward to seeing you then.

I wish you luck in rejecting future applicants.

Yours sincerely

A Jobseeker

Reinvention for Sanity During Job Search

At around the six-month mark after losing my job, I realized that I’d started branding myself as an unemployed person. That was starting to feel depressing. So I repositioned myself in my own mind.

I started doing online certifications to strengthen my resume. At social settings, when people asked me what I do, I start answering, “I’m a Internet marketer.” Even though I still have not yet seen the light at the end of the tunnel, answering the question that way made a big difference to my mental health.

I find that the only way to get successful at a new plan is through optimistic self-labeling: telling the world that you’re already doing the thing you want to do.

It’s exuberant to change how you label yourself, especially if the new label is aspirational: something that you want to be, rather than something you already are.


Maybe that's why 'The Secret' has sold 500,000 copies in 6 months.

Pick Your Brain for Free In A Job Interview?

update: different point of view on giving your work away

I came across this article and I have a semi-related TINY thought about this; TINY in caps: Don't work for free in a job interview

Going through perpetual interviews is the story of my life right now. The process requires hours of preparation, putting on my best smile, clever answers, active follow ups and wait! the toughest part yet is to wait for the reply(or the lack of).



But, let's zoom in on the interview:

Sometimes, some companies (mostly start-ups) would ask interviewees to give feedback on how to better their situation, website, products...etc.

I have been in a couple of situations where a business decision can not be made THEN, the CEO would say: 'let's run an job ad and get people to come and see what they say'. Most of the time, the ad would read: 'contract work but potential to full time employment due to rapid growth of company' (I am not saying that contract work isn't the way to get your foot into the door; it is but some situations are a little trickier than others)

Most recently, I find myself in an interview where the CEO spilled his guts about his business conundrum. He started his interview racing through the thought process of running this type of job post:

1. He needs a warm body to answer the phone while his project manager is on a 2-weeks vacation.
2. He has decided that whoever that he hired for this short period of time will only be able to twirl fingers when the phone isn't ringing.
3. He CAN have whoever he hires to work on 1. design 2. SEO or 3. case study but he went ahead and said but I don't need people doing them later so I don't see the money well spent.
4. Then, he talked about how he wanted the company to remain small and cost driven. (I could appreciate that) He could have hired an intern for 3-6 months without paying but he does not trust the quality of the intern.

Result, he met with 10 qualifying candidates for interview out of 50 resumes and asked them to go back and think about what WE can contribute and solve this for him.

I left the interview with mixed feelings; I am frustrated with the job market and needless to say that I will not be able to help. I am walking away not because this contract is beneath me (I very much enjoy the social media product this company presents) but I just do not agree with this type of business conduct. Even if it leads to a full term job, I would keep wondering: is this where I want to position myself?

Moral of the story? I have learned to stick to my professional boundaries. I know what I want. (universe, do you hear me?)

"I am firmly against people giving away something for nothing,"said Beck, who likens such requests from hiring managers as robbery. I give thumbs up to this!

331 Miles: Getting Two Job Offers During the Recession

331 Miles: Getting Two Job Offers During the Recession

I found this blog very helpful! ESPECIALLY...

Turned Down Inferior Positions

I wasn't scared to tell potential employers that I wasn't interested. It's a key part of building your career, even if you're hungry for employment. I told two different employers, Eaton and Scott Fertilizer, that I was not interested in pursuing the opportunity they presented. It scared me to do it, but I knew that the jobs were not right for my career. If I had accepted one, I would have missed out on two very good offers.

I have been on the job search for a while now! since (gulp) the "restructure of the company". I have had numerous information interviews, phone interviews, first interviews, second interviews and FINALLY, just as I thought that my effort was about to be paid off: It led to a disappointing offer and I just HAD TO walk away.(trust me, I did negotiate that offer)IT HURT, really and that was months ago! I still have second thoughts about the decision, not only because it was a great company but also that I think I am leading towards more to job hop theory now (not then, but now I think to myself: THAT is a decent idea)

BIG oh well! Just had to focus and move on with more certainty! I hope my phone interview tomorrow will lead to a face to face interview then second interview, then 'let's close the deal, baby!'

MOMENTUM, now I can only: Be Bold, Play, Keep at it!

Vows - Aretha Davis and Angelo Volandes

AS far as destination weddings go, having one at an orphanage near Calcutta is no doubt unusual. But so was the 20-year odyssey that brought Aretha Davis and Dr. Angelo Volandes to that location.

They met in 1989 in a freshman ethics class at Harvard. He was a handsome philosophy major from Brooklyn with black turtlenecks, slicked-back hair and compelling rhetoric.

Ms. Davis was soft-voiced and strong-willed. She wore her father’s fedora “with the feather,” she said, along with leather high-tops and Coke-bottle-thick eyeglasses.

It was her impassioned empathy for those less fortunate that mesmerized Dr. Volandes, now 38. “Aretha has boundless love,” he said.

They bonded over their shared perspective as first-generation Americans; her parents came from Guyana and his from Greece. Dr. Volandes, who bused tables at his father’s Greek diner, said they both grew up in families that prioritized hard work and helping others.

They started doing volunteer work together and engaged in endless hours of ardent debates — on every topic other than romance.

“We were two nerdy people,” said Ms. Davis, 37.

The relationship remained platonic. But in their junior year, Ms. Davis, who describes herself as a late bloomer, “developed some curves,” she said, recalling with amusement that “Angelo looked at me differently.”

Gone were her thick prescription glasses and fedora. Instead, she had contact lenses and cascading cornrows. “All the sudden she was this voluptuous woman,” said Dr. Volandes, now a medical ethicist at Harvard who specializes in end-of-life decision-making.

As one who spent Saturday nights in the library, he wasn’t sure how to proceed. It took him until their senior year in 1993 to send her a Valentine’s Day card, albeit an ambiguous one. “As soon as she read it, she ran back to my dorm room livid,” he said, remembering the interrogation that followed. Cornered, he admitted his feelings, and they tearfully embraced.

After graduating that spring, they received fellowships; she did nutrition research at a Guyanese orphanage, and he studied healing traditions in Greece and Egypt.

Deeply in love, Ms. Davis looked forward to taking their relationship to the next level when they returned for grad school.

Dr. Volandes, contemplative by nature, felt pressured. “At 21, she was ready to get married,” he said. “I wasn’t.” He abruptly broke up with her in 1994, insisting it was prudent for them to stay focused on their studies, law for her and medicine for him.

She was shattered, she said, and they didn’t speak for six years.

“There wasn’t a day when I didn’t think about Aretha,” Dr. Volandes said. Yet he never told her, even when his medical residency took him to Philadelphia, where she was working as a lawyer. “I imagined some other lucky guy was already married to her.”

But while Christmas shopping in 2000, Ms. Davis spotted him post-call, unshaven and bleary-eyed. “I had practiced all these things I was going to say to him for years, but I felt nothing but love when I saw him,” she said.

He responded in kind. “To meet the love of your life randomly for a second time, you don’t mess up on that,” Dr. Volandes said.

But this time, marriage was not her priority, having decided to switch careers and become a doctor.

So it wasn’t until 2008, with her fourth year at Harvard Medical School on the horizon, that he proposed, quoting from C. P. Cavafy’s poem, “Ithaka” about Odysseus and his epic journey to Penelope: “As you set out for Ithaka, hope your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery.”

On Nov. 18, they had a brief civil ceremony in Easton, Mass., where Michael Marram, a justice of the peace, officiated in his home. Then on Dec. 13, the Rev. Andrew P. K. Mondal led a Greek Orthodox ceremony at a girls’ orphanage in India run by the Philanthropic Society of the Orthodox Church, where the bridegroom’s mother had volunteered in 2000.

“Instead of a big fat Greek wedding, we donated funds and asked our family and friends to donate funds,” Dr. Volandes said. The money will go toward college scholarships for the orphans. The couple plans to return to the orphanage each year for community service vacations, Ms. Davis said. “Our children will hopefully see the girls as their sisters.”

The 95 girls, ranging in age from 3 to 18, were both hosts and honored guests. They helped the bride prepare, wrapping her in an embroidered lehenga, painting her with henna and giving her costume jewelry.

“They have so little, but what they have they will offer,” Ms. Davis said. “The only difference between us and these girls is their parents didn’t emigrate.”

A dozen of the girls in colorful saris escorted them through a verdant courtyard and into a simple white chapel. There, the couple was joined by the rest of their 95 bridesmaids, who showered them with rose petals after they exchanged their vows.

“Our relationship has been more of a marathon than a sprint,” Ms. Davis said, sounding jubilant about where their journey had led.

“The destination is a beautiful thing,” her husband said, “but arguably the richer story is what it took to get there.”

A. Sharma contributed from Bakeswar, India.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/20/fashion/weddings/20VOWS.html